


I'm Only Lying to Myself

by pony_express



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:17:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2155344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pony_express/pseuds/pony_express
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor calls into a pub on the promise of having some down time. Where the TARDIS takes him seems familar. Too familiar, but not enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Only Lying to Myself

A cold September evening, in London… No, a little too the east. No, west. No, north. A lot further north. Like, almost on the border with Scotland. It was familiar to him. He had no idea why at the time. Definitely. Earth. Present day. Late evening. He turned and asked; “Why did you bring me here? What’s wrong?” He stroked the side of the wooden box, his box. The TARDIS. He repeated the question twice more before turning back, raising his right hand, with sonic screwdriver in up high, to the left and then to the right. He pocketed the screwdriver and silently repeated the question of why again.

The TARDIS often took him way of course. Always where he needed to be, never to where he wanted to be. And who could possibly need him here. What could it be?

He took a slow walk forward. Aimlessly walking around until the idea hit him seemed to be the best plan. And maybe his surroundings can inform some ideas of where he needs to be? Why here? Who needs him? And why this place so familiar too him?

Of course most places where familiar to him. You make all of time and space your back garden and you’re left with a back garden. And he’s sure he is familiar with this place before in am, pm and BC and AD. But this was a different type of feeling. He couldn’t quite put his finger of it. And the sonic couldn’t even.

He found himself standing outside a pub. There’s a late evening chill to the air, he should probably go inside. The locals seem to pay little attention to him. A man in a bowtie and braces. No questions were asked about that. An eyebrow was raised by the bar tended, and he instinctively grabbed hold of his bowtie. ‘Bowties are cool’ he whispered to himself.  
He nodded at the bar tender and took a seat over in the corner; were he could see everyone, and hopefully this will help decide why he is here. He’s given a glass of water, and he smiles, thanking the bar tender but doesn’t reach it. In fact, that glass of water will remain untouched the whole night.

20 minutes or so pass with little movement or action from in or outside the bar. The wind picks up speed. But no other noticeable changes occur and he thinks that maybe it’s time he left. Perhaps he should go back to the TARDIS. She makes a hell of a lot of noise when she lands and if he has been here before maybe the person he helped last time would have heard that noise, and remembered. And would be by the TARDIS waiting for him.

He’s about to leave when the door to the pub opens and all eyes in the room turn to see a man a little smaller than himself, walk in with his overcoat flapping behind him. He’s dressed in a dark blue suit, red tie, and red basket ball boots. His hair is a ruffled mess, probably blown up into a panic by that wind. He doesn’t get the eyebrow raise, but nods at the bar tender in the same fashion has he did moments before.

He looks down all sheepishly. He recognises the person instantly. It’s him. In his previous regeneration. He can’t be seen by him. He watches his former self. His younger eyes dart across the room taking everything in, in seconds. He closes his eye remembering. Hoping to be able to see what his younger self has. Hoping it’ll remind him. Help him see why he is here.

He knew he recognised this place. The feel. The taste in the air. He was here. Well, he is here. Two of him now. His eleventh and tenth regenerations. Why TARDIS? Why? He can’t be seen but he can’t get up and just leave either. He knows exactly what he’s like. He’ll see that as a clue for an adventure and follow and all sorts of things could happen. Big Bang number 3 or worst.

He shuffles in his seat, willing his younger self to find a seat and sit down. He doesn’t remember this. He remembers everything. Time and space. Everything that is, even was, or will be. But not this. Why doesn’t he remember? Never mind, his mind concern should be leaving her without himself seeing him. Although, actually his younger self as no idea what his future self looks like. It’s always the future self that knows what the past versions look like, never the other way around. And why should it be. No Time Lord has ever gone to visit their past self. And why should they? It’s against their unwritten laws or something. It must be. It’s a paradox. It’ll bring about the end of the world.

He looks up, hoping his younger self has moved, only to find that child like face of his grinning back at him wildly. He gulps and smiles back sheepishly. He wills himself to stay away, but he comes over. Grin wide and eyes bright.

”Hello” he smiles, while stroking the back on his neck.

And what does he say to that? What can he say?

”Hi” Alarm bells are ringing but he continues the conversation. Surely there are rules about this.

”What’s your name?” It’s the first question, he is actually stumbles on. The other answers fall out easier than he first thought.

”I’m the… the one they call…Eleven.” Yes, good. Works.

”Well Eleven, I’m the Doctor.” Yes. Brilliant. He’s got away with lying to himself. Now if only he could leave.

”What do you do Eleven?”

”I travel” Not a lie, not quiet. He could do this. He can feed the Doctor enough information about himself to pass off as human. So far so good. He should quit while his ahead. Say the open road is calling or something.

”So where you from”

” Galli-Glasgow” Fuck. That was so close. Hopefully the Doctor doesn’t pick up on it.

”Ah you don-t-“

”Travelling made me lose the accent”

The Doctor smiled back at him, goofy like. Eleven decides to him the same question. That was a normal human conversation. The Doctor smiles as he learns forward slightly, and he feels both his hearts beat faster. He’s sure the Doctor can hear them.

”I’m from another planet.” His surprise isn’t fake. He can’t believe how willing his younger self to share that information.

”Oh,” he says, “I bet you say that too all the boys”, he winks and feels so odd but then it didn’t. And it was so weird that he was effectively flirting with himself.  
And then it got worst.

They somehow ended up outside the TARDIS. Not his, thankfully. Although, actually, he thinks now he would have been easier. The Doctor would have stop with the flirting. Would have probably been a little mad at him… But he could handle falling out with himself better than he could whatever was coming next.

He was still totally he awe at how willing the Doctor was with him. To have him. He wondered absently where in his timeline he was. Then he began to worry about the TARDIS. Surely the old girl would recognise him. Well, know him. Scene he’s a Time Lord and all. Why has he let it get this far? He runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

”You’re taking this so well. I’ve heard it all y’know? Nothing you can say won’t be anything I’ve heard before?”

He just smiles. He wants to say something witty. Something clever, but also human. He can’t spill up here. He’s not sure when he decided he wanted to do this; all he is knows is that he has decided it. And it’s not just a one sided thing.

An arm wrapped around his slender waist, next he knew he was all turned round and pushed up against the diagnostic panel.

”Oh, careful. You don’t wanna… erm… Set something off.” He leaned back and set the control back to its original position while carefully sliding down. His feet touched the floor and he was greeted by lips on his ear. Kisses began to trail down to his neck. He tried to pull the younger man away.

”Come, Eleven.”

All he can do is turn to the centre console. Says a pray, or a wish. Whatever. He whispers. Requests this little thing. Just the night. He can be human just for the night. Can help both of him. It’s all work and saving people for him. Some time away is just what the doctor ordered… Oh! Funny!

The younger man’s voice is calling him again. And wow, what a voice it was. Did he really appreciate that when it was his? Did he really appreciate anything about that body? When he thought about that body was he still upset about the lack of ginger in his hair? He looked up at his fringe hanging above his hair. Still not ginger he mumbled to himself before following.

The Doctor took him to the bedrooms. Of course he knew the way. It was his home once. Sure, he remembers the layout of all the versions of his spaceship. There’d only be six variations though, but still, all of time and space rushing through his head, at least a small fiction of that would be layouts of the TARDIS.

He feels a force pulling down on his braces. He doesn’t even try and balance. Just lets the Doctor’s greed take over him. Let’s him have this, because he wants it too.

”Come here.” He hears a husky voice and feels the pulling again, but harder this time. He whines as an answer, which is followed by a question. One he is more than familiar with.

”What’s with the…” ‘Bowties are cool. Bowties are cool, ‘he breathes in silent preparation. “braces?” Oh! “”Bit retro…”

”Hey, it’s better than converse with a suit” he sticks out his tongue. Why did I even dress like that?

”Hey, it’s better than a bow tie!” Ah, there is it. The man below him flicked the bowtie playfully.

”Bow ties are cool”

”I’ll have to remember that, Eleven,” the Doctor smiles up at him.

”Do. I’m sure one day you’ll wear one”

”Oh, I have. For formal things, y’know?”

”I know… I meant I get it… I completely understand like for a… thing!” This is getting worst!

He ties to move, the younger man is surprisingly strong. Pushing on his bum checks, firm hands. Tender but firm hands, oh he never knew how those hands when they were his. They are grabbing hold of his braces again. You can tell his the younger one. He’s so inpatient.

”Woah!”

”Come on…” The Doctor’s lips are inches for his own. This was it. This is where the universe blows up. He held his breath. He held back as best he could.

”I… I… You’re an alien. Think of the children”

”Works the same with you humans-“

”I kinda guessed it would be like that”

”You’ve got nothing to worry about” the Doctor grins. Only a rip in all of time and space, he rolls his eyes. He sighs,  
”Guess you’re right”

”Of course I am”, Oh, am I really that big headed?

The Doctor’s hands were back in his hair. Fingers dancing, causing a panic, ruffles upon ruffles. Fingers went from curling, to draw shapes, to massaging. The Doctor just couldn’t get enough. He vocalised as much;  
”I’m jealous of your hair”

”Well… Yours. Yours is something else… Look… Look at that,” He pushed a unsteady hand through the hair that used to be his. Oh, that hair, it felt so different now. New hands. New feels, he guesses. “I’m sure yours will grow this way… It won’t… Won’t suddenly change… You could… I know it would suit you. It would, I mean… Look good…”

”You talk a lot.”

In 5 billion languages actually. “People never really stop telling me that…” he frowned before adding, “Sorry”

”No, it’s fine… If you’re not going to use that pretty mouth of yours to kiss me you can at least tell-“

And there, he leaned down and kissed the lips that were once him. He had no idea why. Maybe to shut the curious puppy below him up. At least if no questions were being asked he couldn’t fuck up, right?

He pulled away almost as much speed as he had started the kiss. He raised an eyebrow, so did the man beneath him. He held up his ear, listening. No beeping. No crashing. No… nothing. Just silence. Peace. The universes were safe. He could continue this… Well, that was still debatable in his mind. But at least he could stop worrying about Time riffs and Big Bang part 14.  
He breathed a sigh of relief and the Doctor’s lips were back on his. The Doctor kissed him with as much passion as he’d used speed in the first kiss. This time neither party held back.

”Y’know?” the Doctor thought aloud, fingers tangling up in his braces, “These are getting… very annoying.”

”Well, you know what to do”

The Doctor winked at him and he bite down hard on his lip.

”Y’know, that’s cute and all, but you should really stop doing that,” the Doctor gently tugged his lip away, “Or you will need to see a doctor”

”Maybe that’s the plan” he smiled wickedly. “You are a doctor after all…”

The Doctor kissed him again with far more passion and speed this time. The Doctor pulled down on his braces, and tugged at his hair. Pulling him closer and closer. All the time.

”What kind of doctor are you anyway?” he asked during a air break. Yes. Good. Very humany question.

”The best kind”

”We’ll see” he said winking. He began pulling on the Doctor’s tie, long lean fingers began undoing it as he smiled into another passionate kiss.

They both moaned into it. The Doctor deepening it with his neediness. He felt nothing in his mind. All of time and space rushing through his head all the time and he felt nothing but this moment. Just here and now. He could see all that was, or will ever be and all he could see was this moment. Just here and now.

It must be the same for him, he thought. The older looking man beneath him. They both must be feeling this… Feeling human… He felt… What was that? Content. For a time he was truly content. Guilt and pain and lost all washed away with the feeling on the Doctor’s skin on his own. His cock twitched in agreement against his trousers.

Maybe there was still fear somewhere in the back of his mind, worry that universes will break down. Worry, he’ll give away something, and his younger self will be pissed. He knows the furry of the Time Lords. Those feelings were being crushed by the electrifying feel hands pressed firmly on his hips, and… When did his hips lose their trousers?

Oh it doesn’t matter. He’s going to help himself to the whole of the Doctor. Anything that man wants to give, he wants to take. If his younger self had the same feelings then yes, he should continue. Be selfless… Because he looks in those young shinny eyes and sees nothing but pain. Must be after Donna.

”Oh,”

”What’s wrong?” The Doctor asked him worried look all over his face. Fuck! What can he say to that? Oh, y’know, I’m just getting off to the thought of my hands on myself. Wait, no, not my hands. They used to be. But no. He decides than he should look upon his former self as a completely different person. Since they are. Well, they look that way. They still have the same hard core beliefs and… Stop talking Eleven! Stop over thinking. Don’t think about Donna. Don’t think about hands.

”I… erm… It’s like every time you touch me, I feel as though… ” he pulled a face, eyes flicking from left to right as he searched for the word. A human word. “It’s just so… electifying.” He possibly put too much emphasis on the word, but the Doctor just grinned in understanding. He felt the Doctor growing hard against his leg and Ah, he did still have trousers on.

”I think you need a doctor” chuckled the Doctor disappearing between his legs, and he ducks his head to try and see what he’s doing down here. He threw his head back almost instantly. He felt something wet and warm against his hips. They were being licked.

”Doctor” he sighed heavily, “…Oh!” I’m never saying that again. Then it hit them, what does he say? What can he say? Anything other than Doctor would surely give him away. But Doctor was just… It didn’t sound right.

He felt his braces slip off one by one. And sighed with relief at the thought that the Doctor no longer had something to pull him down. That moment when the Doctor appeared to mix up braces with a guitar and twang the braces, sometimes painfully against his skin. was long again and now was never going to be again.

”You like?”

The Doctor appeared grinning inches from his face and he wondered about the logistics of that movement. About all the Doctor’s movement, how fast he was. How the Doctor had gotten the clothes of him without him feeling a thing. He was trouser-less now, and his pants had gone along for the ride.

The Doctor was once more pulling him down, using his hair this time. The movements were causing friction against his cock. He felt pre-cum leaking as his cock rub against the Doctor’s clothed hardness. It was driving him crazy that the Doctor was topping from the bottom and that he was all but naked while the man below him was very dressed.

He took his hands, shaking, to the Doctor’s shirt. Undoing the buttons while the Doctor attacked his neck. He pulled off the Doctor’s blazer and slacken the tie some more. He allowed his hands to roam the Doctor’s naked chest while the Doctor’s tongue continued to explore his neck.  
He realised the Doctor had left his bow tie on. Bow ties are cool he smiled to himself, as he reached down, hands still shaking, to undo the Doctor’s trousers. The Doctor moaned in mock relief at the freedom of his hardiness. He felt both his hearts speed up with the feeling off the Doctor’s cock so close to his entrance, and he knew he wouldn’t last long.

The Doctor reached down between them, grabbed his cocks roughly and let out a very loud, high pitched moan. The Doctor pumped a few times, collecting the pre-cum, then glazed his own cock with the bodily fluid. He smiled, thoughts of how hot that was just too much. The Doctor, satisfied with his half hazard lube began to push up his hips, forcing his cock closer and closer to Eleven’s entrance.

He moaned softly. The Doctor took his parted lips in his own as he pushed one final time, swallowing the younger looking man’s moans of pain. The Doctor rocked his hips playfully still exploring the inside of Eleven’s mouth.

Eleven was shaking, and moaning. Pleasure and pain rushing through him in equal parts. He was acting like a virgin but he hadn’t expected the Doctor to take him straight away. He rolled his hips this time. Pushed down every time the Doctor pushed up. They fought for dominance for a while, but Eleven allowed the Doctor to take control as he had done from the start. He worked with the Doctor’s pushes, finding the rhythm set was perfect and the Doctor was hitting the spot every time.

He felt releasing now was more acceptable then coming untouched when he wanted too earlier. The Doctor ball deep inside him, teeth gazing his lip, hands pushing on his arse, and of course his bow tie was still dancing around his neck, it was all coming to head. He felt it. But releasing now… He bite his lip when the Doctor finally released it in flavour on attack his neck. Why should the bow tie get all of that long giraffe like neck?

Eleven comes with a moan, as the Doctor bites down hard on his shoulder bone. The warmth of the cum on the Doctor’s bare chest makes him deepen the love bite with a moan. Eleven is then repaid the flavour, feeling the warmth of the Doctor coming inside him. Then both moan into one last kiss before Eleven flops down spent on the Doctor’s bare chest, smearing his bodily fluid all over the Doctor and the sheets.

Arms wrap around him tight and the Doctor kissed his fringe. Wet and sticking to his forehead like his own.

”Listen, our hearts beat’s calming down” the Doctor said softly as Eleven snuggled into his breast bone. He finally rested under the crook of the Doctor’s arm, after briefly hovering over where his heart was.

”Yeah,” he mumbled into the Doctor’s breast, “both of them”  
The Doctor wonders if he told the man in his arms about his hearts. He’d given a lot away. They were in the TARDIS for crying out loud. That thought carried him into the night. He drifted away with a smile on his face.

#

The Doctor woke with a start. There’s an alarm buzzing from somewhere inside the TARDIS. He recognised the noise almost as quickly as the Doctor had. It was the gyroscopic stabiliser on mechanical panel.

”The gyroscopic stabiliser!” They both all but yelled in unison. The Doctor stared hard at Eleven, blinking away every question he had. His mouth falls open but no words came out.  
”You… You… How do you know that?”

Shit! He’d ruined it. Why? Why couldn’t he just stay human? He knows why, of course, for her. For… Sexy! The TARDIS bleeps and beeps and he goes running. Every time.  
The Doctor follows him mumbling questions, watching as Eleven bounces around the TARDIS console the same way he usually does.

”Oh,” he groans running a hand through his hair, it sinking in with every turn of every handle, every press of every button Eleven pressed. Eleven was so comfortable with the console.  
”You-” The Doctor began. Eleven could feel his eye burning into his back; he knew he had to explain himself. But he couldn’t. Not right now.

”Don’t just stand there! Y’know she’s made to be flown by more than one…” He dashed around the console determined out to make eye contact. Oh why couldn’t he just stand back? Stay human?

”That’s how you knew I had two hearts… I knew I didn’t tell you and, and… You didn’t react when you saw her for the first time. That should have been-“

”Are you going to help or… ?”

”I’m sorry” he whispered, mostly to himself, but more to the TARDIS.

”This. This is all your fault.” The Doctor eyed him accusingly.

”I know. That’s why I’m trying to fix it. Let me fix it… . I know you can”

”You are-“

”Are you, yes. So I sort of know what you’re thinking and I know you can help”

”I wanna know what you were thinking last night when you-“

”Do you mind waiting until after we’ve saved countless worlds to tell me…(?)”

”This is your mess, you can sort it out”

”Not without you” he became aware of how childish he sounded. His pleas will probably fall on deaf ears; the flurry of the Time Lord. 

”Anything I think up, you would have already thought up and probably tried already”

”I’m older” Eleven smiled, “I don’t work as fast”

”You should know better!”

Eleven rolled his eyes, not this again. He sighed; “You should like someone’s aunt”

”I’m worst than someone’s aunt!”

”I know” Eleven laughed and the Doctor smiled. He still saw anger in the eyes of his younger self… And wow! He looks tired.

”Eleven…” he looked up, “Push the time altimeter it’s on the fabrication panel it’s the one… You just pressed… ” The Doctor smiled and pulled down on leaver with levelled the TARDIS. They both laughed. The Doctor still had questions. But now wasn’t the time. If Eleven meant he was in his next regeneration he could find out what the Ood meant. The four knocks. Oh, spoilers!

#

”Could I see your TARDIS?”

”You probably shouldn’t, y’know?”

”You’ve broken a lot of rules already… “

”Which is way we… I can’t break anymore!” Eleven told him so matter of fact, with a wide grin.

”You’re probably right”

”Of course I am” he laughed.  
”But… just… a little look. Or talk me through it. You redecorated?”

”Oh,” Eleven sighed mockingly, “You can tell you’re the younger one”

They both laughed, and the Doctor made his excuses. He turned back to his older self after a few steps;  
”Oh Eleven?”

”Yeah?”

”Just don’t… Let us… Oh, you know”

Eleven nodded and watched the Doctor leave before turning to go back to his own TARDIS. He mumbled his apologies to her. He paced the console a few times.

”No!” he said aloud before pulling down on the directional pointer, turning the time altimeter and slamming down the dematerialise function.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Never happened. I use these characters for my own pleasure. No money is made from this, etc.  
> First published: Sep. 18th, 2012 @ my LiveJournal.


End file.
